Writing, publishing, geekdom, and errata.

How to Communicate Consent Sexily (thanks to Charlie Glickman)

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I was going to post my upcoming appearances (Imaginarium and Context come to mind) but instead, I want to draw your attention to another person's blog.

Issues of (sexual) consent - and lack thereof - have been a big issue lately for conventions.  And that's led to some great conversations - including the rise of the idea of enthusiastic consent.

But you still get folks who worry that waiting for a legalistic "yes" (or asking if you can kiss someone) will ... destroy society?  Make us all celibate?  I'm not sure.

Charlie Glickman did a wonderful thing - he asked his friends and followers on Facebook to offer suggestions of what nonverbal affirmative consent would look like.  Some highlights:

  • Looking me in the eye and giving me a hand signal that says ‘come towards me’
  • When I guide someones hands and place them on my body nodding yes.
  • Gripping, grabbing, pulling me closer, reaching for kisses, initiating position changes, following after a touch when it stops or moves, nuzzling, smooching whatever part is near enough, and playing with my hair are all signs of active, engaged enthusiasm for me.
This is great - and I really recommend you reading the article to get all of the suggestions and context around them - because consent is sexy

And guys, if you're looking for a way to be bold - and still get consent and respect your partner - Charlie's got an article (or two) about that as well.  Here's the tl;dr:
Step 1: Start off with an “if statement” such as:
  • If you’re available…
  • If you’re in the mood…
  • If you’re into it…
Step 2: Follow with a statement of your desire
  • I would like to go out to dinner with you.
  • I’d enjoy kissing you.
  • I’d love to spend the night with you.
Powerful, useful, sexy stuff, and highly recommended.

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