How to Communicate Consent Sexily (thanks to Charlie Glickman)Imaginarium and Context come to mind) but instead, I want to draw your attention to another person's blog.
Issues of (sexual) consent - and lack thereof - have been a big issue lately for conventions. And that's led to some great conversations - including the rise of the idea of enthusiastic consent.
But you still get folks who worry that waiting for a legalistic "yes" (or asking if you can kiss someone) will ... destroy society? Make us all celibate? I'm not sure.
Charlie Glickman did a wonderful thing - he asked his friends and followers on Facebook to offer suggestions of what nonverbal affirmative consent would look like. Some highlights:
- Looking me in the eye and giving me a hand signal that says ‘come towards me’
- When I guide someones hands and place them on my body nodding yes.
- Gripping, grabbing, pulling me closer, reaching for kisses, initiating position changes, following after a touch when it stops or moves, nuzzling, smooching whatever part is near enough, and playing with my hair are all signs of active, engaged enthusiasm for me.
And guys, if you're looking for a way to be bold - and still get consent and respect your partner - Charlie's got an article (or two) about that as well. Here's the tl;dr:
Step 1: Start off with an “if statement” such as:Powerful, useful, sexy stuff, and highly recommended.
Step 2: Follow with a statement of your desire
- If you’re available…
- If you’re in the mood…
- If you’re into it…
- I would like to go out to dinner with you.
- I’d enjoy kissing you.
- I’d love to spend the night with you.