Grok it, don't try to understand it...
February 03, 2009 status update
Look, I know I'm rambling. Just go with it, or skip it, or whatever.
I've often been a pessimist. This isn't really due to some kind of inherent personality flaw. It's a defense mechanism. It's a way of taking the sting out of other's words. It takes the pain out of it, because I've already taken the nerves and burnt them.
I'm not the only one like this. I know you feel this way too. Yeah, you. The person reading this.
Sure, you may feel good now. You might feel happy now, or in love, or content, or secure. But at the back of your mind, you're wondering how it's all going to go wrong. You're imagining all the ways it will end badly - if you'll even look that far ahead.
You might try ignoring the future. Don't look at the probabilities, don't look at the consequences, because then it's like some kind of karmic curse. Then the pain will come; you'll have wished it into being in some kind of reverse of "the Secret".
Then, of course, the future becomes the present.
The thoughts you tried to suppress are in front of you, the obstacles you ignored under your feet. The horrible things you envisioned now seem simple and unimaginative; the reality is far, far worse.
But these are things built of our own weaknesses.
The obstacles under our feet were avoidable; banana peels in the middle of a wide empty sidewalk. The new problems are spawned by our obsession over the old ones.
It's easy to forget the lightness, the ease of life. It's easy to break dreams, to break dreamers.
So when the opportunity arises, when you are inspired by a song, a poem, a book, a person, to be lighter, to move away from carrying unnecessary burdens, take it.
Perhaps your situation will still appear the same. Perhaps to an outside observer, you are the same person with unimaginably difficult situations around you.
But inside - oh, inside - you know that isn't the case.
Inside, you know that you will always be free.